Over the past few months I’ve been struggling with the fact that I no longer have the will or desire to get out on the water. This is for real. I believe that a combination of factors, both physical and mental, have brought this about. Distressing as it may be, I have to accept what has happened.
I’ve been giving time for a true assessment, hoping that my will and desire would return, but the truth is, neither has returned, and I can’t see the physical aspect improving or returning to what it was a year ago. I accept that by stopping sailing, I shall give up an activity that helps maintain fitness, but I also know that I am not able to continue without difficulty because of my limitations.
On the mental front, I have lost confidence for solo sailing and I can’t face up to the challenges of managing the boat safely. More amazingly I have no yearning for getting out on the water - even as a crew aboard another boat.
I recently spoke of putting my foot in the stirrup as the first step of remounting a metaphorical horse, off which I fell, but I’ve not been able to hook my leg over the saddle to be in a position to canter off.
This is reality, which begs the question, ‘What next?’
Could reality change? Could I somehow regain my confidence? Could I regain my fitness? Would my will and desire be restored?
I am reluctant to accept the present reality, and that it will extend into the future.
Meanwhile, the question has to be asked, ‘Should I hold on to ‘Minnow’, in the hope that all will be restored, or should I put her up for sale?’
The only boat I’ve regretted selling was, ‘Faith’, and yet, if she were mine now, I believe I would be, asking the same question.
Getting Back on the Horse – Part 1
Getting Back on the Horse – Part 2