Monday, June 16, 2014

Facing Facts

Over the past few months I’ve been struggling with the fact that I no longer have the will or desire to get out on the water. This is for real. I believe that a combination of factors, both physical and mental, have brought this about. Distressing as it may be, I have to accept what has happened.

I’ve been giving time for a true assessment, hoping that my will and desire would return, but the truth is, neither has returned, and I can’t see the physical aspect improving or returning to what it was a year ago. I accept that by stopping sailing, I shall give up an activity that helps maintain fitness, but I also know that I am not able to continue without difficulty because of my limitations.

On the mental front, I have lost confidence for solo sailing and I can’t face up to the challenges of managing the boat safely. More amazingly I have no yearning for getting out on the water - even as a crew aboard another boat.

I recently spoke of putting my foot in the stirrup as the first step of remounting a metaphorical horse, off which I fell, but I’ve not been able to hook my leg over the saddle to be in a position to canter off.

This is reality, which begs the question, ‘What next?’

Could reality change? Could I somehow regain my confidence? Could I regain my fitness? Would my will and desire be restored?

I am reluctant to accept the present reality, and that it will extend into the future.

Meanwhile, the question has to be asked, ‘Should I hold on to ‘Minnow’, in the hope that all will be restored, or should I put her up for sale?’

The only boat I’ve regretted selling was, ‘Faith’, and yet, if she were mine now, I believe I would be, asking the same question.


Getting Back on the Horse – Part 1

Getting Back on the Horse – Part 2


Brian said...

Tough times Bill, but here's a nice picture
I am sure I saw a tan sailed Paradox sail past the house at the weekend and then another white sailed Paradox this morning. Very distinctive sail shape. Why not separate stopping sailing from selling. Perhaps decide to sell next year when the right buyer comes along? Then you will know for certain you are doing the right thing. Best wishes as you go through things. Brian.

William Serjeant said...

Yes, Brian, That's a photo of Sean Mulligan's Paradox, 'Scout'.

I'll take into account your suggestion not to sell until I'm certain about what I'm doing and that it is right.

I gather you did not bid for 'Caleb' on Ebay. I believe she went for £110 - a bargain.


Unknown said...

Hello Bill, while I'm dissapointed that you're giving up sailing, at least for the forseable future, I absolutely respect your decision. I truly believe that you've weighed up the pro's and the con's and made what has to be the very best decision for yourself.
I shall still read your daily blogs even if there is less about boats and sailing in them. I really value your take take on things.
However, I'd be very reticent indeed about putting 'Minnow' up for sale. I feel that you should hang onto her for at least a year before you make the fateful decision. You could always consider renting her out?

Brian said...

That's a very interesting point Richard, about renting her out. There must be a lot of sailors who would like to try sailing in a Paradox. She is such an interesting design and so different to the norm.
I find it very interesting that for all the boats you have owned Bill this design is the only one you regretted selling and is the one that you bought again when you had the chance. For such an experienced sailor as yourself to do so speaks volumes about how good you feel the design is for your single handed coastal sailing brief.
If you could tell us more about why Paradox works so well, and why not having a keel really does work, that would be great.

William Serjeant said...

I've tried answering your questions in an article, 'The Merits of a Paradox', dated 19th June.

William Serjeant said...


I know for certain, that at this point in time I don't feel up to sailing 'Minnow'.

Maybe things will change, but I have my doubts.