Sunday, January 06, 2013

Happy Automobilians

My name is Jag and my girlfriend is Mini. We reside on the driveway of Jack and Spanner who worship and adore us. That’s fine because they lavish their love on us. They spend over a third of their income keeping us. Every Sunday they make us spick and span; they hose us down and leather us off; they apply body lotion before giving us a good shine. They check our pressure, top up our ducts, and make sure we are healthy.  They take us to the garage for our weekly fill of gas, without which we would be powerless.

They worship me
What they don’t realize is that we are aliens from the Planet of Automobilia, and our aim is to kill inhabitants of the earth - even Jack and Spanner who give us their love. Like all of our brothers and sisters from clans too numerous to list, our oath is, ‘Martyrdom for the Cause’.
The more we foul the air, kill humans, poison plants and animals, destroy birds, foxes, dogs, cats, frogs and flies the happier we are. We sow anger, make humans jealous, and we chuckle when they spend fortunes keeping us who destroy them and their peace. The more we do these things the better it is for our cause. As they build roads to cope with our exponential births, we cause pandemonium at the happy place of Gridlock where we make the air black and raise temperatures.

My brothers and sisters
Our salvation is found in Production Plant. There our offspring are born - Many of us are clones with different colours. As we multiply we provide more metal for each generation. Those who crush us are oblivious to our martyrdom and ignorant of our inevitable rebirth for the cause – their death and destruction. This makes Mini and me very happy.

Our Convention

All Car Makes of the World (Our different Clans)

Automotive Makes and Models (Ancestry of the Clans)

1 comment:

solozeiler said...

Superbly written! I can't do that better! Many many years I feel and think what you tell here: the car is poison nr. 1 to our world. Every day however, people keep driving their cars, even for very small distances. I go to work with my bike, every day, and that since I started working. I have always chosen for work near my house. And we always try to keep the car at home, as much as possible. The car is only used for long distances, and till now, never more than 6250 miles a year. I hope there are more people with the same thoughts so this will make a difference...